The Baby Bomb

We’ve had a really fabulous run of awesomeness for the past decade or so. We’ve been super blessed in so many ways. In the last few years though, it sometimes felt like we were going through the motions. After eating so much cake, it became less exciting to partake in life’s chocolaty goodness. Time oozed on and often slipped away.

Time sure got a kick in the pants once the happy circle on the pee stick entered out lives. Since then we sourced a house, moved in, acquired a plethora of baby accessories, threw several parties (housewarming, superbowl, an epic baby shower), formed a small army of doctors, experienced many different styles of yoga, and connected with tons of people. We’ve had visitors stay in our fancy new guest room, built a ton of IKEA furniture, and made the house our home. I got to watch Stina experience life differently every day. The previous pattern of life was obliterated. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve crammed in too many concerts (highlights were Big Organ Trio and Leftover Salmon), toiled down on some serious general fuzz tunage, and started to really venture out in the the east bay (buying relatively high end baby gear on craigslist results in visiting the many suburbs of the east bay). I’ve managed to really savor almost every day for the past 9-10 months. Life has that sparkle again.

We’ve been approaching this whole baby thing fairly non-traditionally, which is true to form. People knew we were pregnant a few days after we did. Fortunately the baby stuck, but we wanted our community to rally around us if it didn’t. Our large scale co-ed baby shower was really a party that was baby shower themed. I’d like to think that our shower takes the prize for amount of alcohol consumed. Our community is having a huge hand in helping us name the baby. I’m really happy when we buck the trend.

On the other hand, OMG WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY!!! This is no longer an abstract concept. We’re in the end game now. We just learned that the baby is currently in breech position (feet first). We’re going to attempt an external version (where her doctor attempts to push the baby around) on Tuesday. If that doesn’t work, we’re having a c-section in nine days. Single digits, people.

When we talk about the future with our son, I have no concept what it will be like. Its no fun thinking about letting go of all activities that bring me joy. On the other hand, the concept of not doing these things can only be referenced in a life where everything is exactly the same except I’m not writing music, being social, seeing shows, and being goofy with Stiners. Well that last one will be omni present in our lives, but it will be a more, “I’m so tired, I’m going to vomit” kinda goofing around. I can’t conceptualize what life will be with child. I know there’s going to be a lot of love, challenges, and personal growth, but its all really abstract right now. People say everything will change once you see/hold your baby. I’m curious if thats true. I won’t consider it a failure if its doesn’t happen. I’m wagering the whole process will be a rewarding experience, one way or another. It would be astonishing if everyone was lying. I guess that would be worth finding out too. Then I could expose the great parent conspiracy on this blog.


kate bauer » 15 Feb 2010 » Reply

Hey James, I’m generally a lurker on your blog, but wanted to comment on one very intelligent thing you said. Plenty of people say they fell in love with their baby the minute they held them, and giving up pre-baby life was absolutely worth it. I however had a much harder experience, and gradually grew to love my daughter over months, not minutes. For the first few weeks I was pretty much like, “who the fuck is this kid, why won’t she sleep, and can I give her back?” I think it’s important to share my experience because so many parents feel like failures when they don’t instantly, unconditionally love their child. Now I think Sasha is the coolest, smartest kid ever, but it took a while.

Sarah » 15 Feb 2010 » Reply

Fabulous post, James. I can’t comment on anything in particular, because the whole thing is just so wonderfully honest and thank you (and Stina) for letting some of the far-off folks (like myself) in on some of what’s going on in your head. Just another stop on the journey, right?

Congrats – ahead of time. :)

gail » 16 Feb 2010 » Reply

I am so, so excited for you guys! I appreciate the Krudden originality on all things baby, and I especially appreciate your honesty about the mixed bag of emotions that accompanies impending parenthood. I will be thinking of you guys in the coming days, sending positive thoughts your way as baby boy attempts some womb gymnastics, and I look forward to your posts in the coming weeks!

lots of love to all three of you!
xo g

MikeyLife » 20 Feb 2010 » Reply

Can’t wait to hear more about everthing. I’m so excited for the whole Krudden family!

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