Old stale summer post

I just found this old blog post festering in my draft folder.
  • House hunting has gobbled up lots of our life cycles. We’ve got a ton of education to show for it, but no house. We’ve ridden through some intensely stressful weeks. The fact that I didn’t total melted down during our peek intensity moments is directly attributed to the personal growth I’ve had in the past year. It’s nice to have concrete metrics.
  • We had a miraculous crib -> bed transition. Jasper is about to start pre-school next week. In the future we’ll need to tackle potty training, and a moving to a new house. Then we get a special prize.
  • We were magically gifted free tickets to the circus, so we decided to see how Jasper would fare. It turned out pretty amazing. Jasper was spent the first half completely captivated, occasionally standing up to do some dancing. The lure of the elevator we found during intermission was strong during the 2nd half, so we split out time between the epic circus and a bemused arena elevator operator.
  • me: “can I eat some nectarine?”
    Jballs: “No. No nectarine.”
    me: *makes sad face*
    Jballs: “Are you sad?”
    me: “A little.”
    Jballs: “Shall we get blanket?”
  • right before eating spicy green salsa: “I’m going to eat this and then I will cry”. And then he totally did.
  • We had our first full ballz to wallz Krudden epic summer in a couple years. SCI, parents, Seattle, Boston, three weddings, cape code, fun the sierra mountains, and a cooking class to boot.
  • We pushed Jasper pretty hard at Jordan and Lisa’s ridiculously awesome farm wedding. We manged to stay until the funk band started up around 8:30, and then Jasper went ballistic on the dance floor. He was on fire. He had a circle of women around him, and his characteristically reserved manner was put on hold for some mad awesomeness. It was a best case scenario, and it was my happiest moment I’ve been lucky enough to share with him. He barely left the dance floor during the entire first set.
  • Jasper actively likes the dark. He’ll go around and turn off all the lights on the regular, and prefers to sleep in total darkness.


Visualize Raising the Anchor

  • In early May, our landlord dropped the “wanting to sell our house” bomb, and we are now expected to form an exit strategy. My initial strategy involved shitting my pants. Stina seems to have adopted a more constructive approach. The deadline for our departure hasn’t been set, nor have we been able to secure our next domicile, but we are expending a lot of energy on it. At the same time I’ve transitioned to a completely different job in my company. Needless to say, any illusions of life stability have been shat upon with great shittings of fuck. This is also may explain the dearth of quality pics and videos for the past three months.
  • We’ve been playing a lot of “Is it dog poop?”, which is inevitably followed by “Daddy I touch?”
  • Jasper often uses the word “something” which he uses conviction and urgency, granting us no clue to what he wants.
  • During a recent diaper change dance, he said “big penis” and pointed at his johnson. This is a very advanced 2 year old. On that note, after all the water has drained out of his bath, he likes to pee into a cup and then pour it on himself.
  • He keeps asking for different music until I put on the 80’s hair band station on Pandora. His absolute favorite song is “Love in an Elevator”, because he thinks its a song about loving elevators. Gates, elevators, and rail road crossings still have prime seating in his frontal lobe.
  • Jasper drew a dot using a crayon and said “Booger”. I then verified he really said what I thought he did.
  • Jasper: “I need spoon.” Me: “What do you need a spoon for?” Jasper: “For the internet”.
  • I’ve been cultivating new styles of patience in my life. Since my back has been hurting a lot as late, so I’ve had to  train myself from trying to pull or lift Jasper from point A to point B. I need to guide him, and if he isn’t interested in going the way I want him to go, I basically need to wait it out. I’m also working on restraining myself from stopping Jasper from doing things I know won’t work out (as long as there is no danger). Otherwise the consequences of pulling the fire alarm is only heresay.
  • When he discovers something in his vicinity, everyone nearby needs to know about it. He doesn’t get too discouraged when people don’t pay attention to him. Also, in this regard, Jasper has suddenly become assertive in ensuring other people, especially little ones, follow our arbitrary rules, even though he doesn’t necessarily subscribe to them himself.
  • Jasper requests a new song almost every night before going in the crib, and he gets to choose the subject matter. I enjoy developing a new improv skill.
  • I usually skim and discard most parenting blog posting that come my way. This article, even though I’ve heard some of it before, it really resonated with me, and changed the way I approach tantrums. I now lean into tantrums, imaging that as a blockage that needs to be cleared.
  • There was some recent Bostony goodness. Sucks to be near us on a plane, though really, it sucks to be us. We spend some time with our folks, the MA crew, some Obie’s, Jasper’s g-parents, and hit up Special K’s beautiful wedding in VT.



Summer Whiplash

  • Summer manhandled me a little bit this year. You’d think my primary focus at this point would be my child, but this summer I had to focus a little more on me. My emotional baggage area was filled to overcapacity, and some of that baggage came tumbling out. It was both scary and enlightening. Working on yourself is a challenging endeavor, but it was overdue. I’m viewing my present behaviors through the lens of my past and its been a little illuminating.  Instead of just accepting my feelings and actions as they occur, I’m occasionally trying to step outside the moment and ask why I’m responding that way.
    [youtube_sc url=]
  • Along with some heavy internal re calibration thats going on, this summer has been pretty bat shit crazy ever since we returned from Europe. We’ve had four sets of people come and visit with us, sadly said goodbye to the Kirkbutts, attended numerous small child related celebrations, went back east and to Colorado. We pretty much discarded the notion of downtime.
    [youtube_sc url=]

    [youtube_sc url=]

Dave, Erin, and Mica


Josh and Jo and Dan, Abby, and Abra Fae visited as well.

  • I went to LA for 48 hrs to visit with Dave, Keri, and Juila. And since I was already there, Dave and I meandered over to the hollywood bowl to see Phish. The parking lot antics set a new bar for behavior awesomeness. We managed to cobble together the tagline our new company: “We stream shit to your business”. Our first product is “vacusuck”.

    [youtube_sc url=]
  • I’ve also been rather preoccupied trying to finish up album numero 6. Finishing an album is never that fun, and takes a lot of time, which I seem to have less of then I used to. Its finally all starting to come together, which is quite a relief. I’m ready to move on to other musical pastures. I’ve also invested far too much time into my website, making it twice as spiffy, and forcing it dump oodles of useless data in my database. Now I know where all 14 of you live. Reading blogs has consequences.
  • I love this kid too much. I like him most of the time. Spending long stretches of time alone with him, something that happens with some regularity,  has become much more enjoyable. Behavioral firsts are popping up with a little more frequency these days, and the occasional new word sneaks into his incomprehensible babbling. He fucking knows things, man. When I read books, Jballs now points out the things that he recognizes. We’re regularly attempting to introduce sharing into his repertoire. He’s really generous with the high fives and hugs though.

    [youtube_sc url=]
  • Stina and I have different strategies for dealing with behavior that violates the principals of our cookbook for awesome living. Unfortunately, she is unable to accept that I am right all the time, so I’m resorting to smiling patronizingly at her every time Jasper hits me with a stick. This kid has quite an arm, and might be getting mixed messages. I blame mommy.
  • Jasper has found his 3rd gear. His favorite things right now are bubbles and balloons. He loves to be chased, so were are considering adopting a tiger cub.
  • His ability to comprehend what we are saying is increasing rapidly. Unfortunately, that skill set seems come with some fairly sharp “No!”s and the occasional tantrum. We are in the pre-2 zone, and trouble is on the horizon. We are aware this is a sweet spot, and are treasuring it when we remember to.
  • Stina and I used to argue nature (me) vs. nurture (stina) when we were teenagers. It’s amusing to catch 1.5 year old Jasper compulsively put things back in their “place”. One point for Stina.
  • We caught the first day of Outside Lands, since Phish was headlining. Grandma flew in for the weekend, and good times were granted. I saw an AMAZING show of Zappa plays Zappa opening up for Return to Forever. Blew my mind. Definitely the top show for 2011.




We were invited to the Tuteur family reunion (my mom’s side) in Germany. There was no way we were going to go. The Ruddens, on their own volition, offered to fly out to CA and take care of Jasper if we went. All of the sudden, the family reunion sounded like a good idea, especially if we used it as a jumping off point for a European adventure. So Stiners and I headed east for 2.5 weeks sans Jasper. I went through the emotional wringer prior to leaving, but settled into our vacation as the days slipped by.

We kicked it off in Germany (Bad Kreuznach), with an amazing tour through the places where my ancestors roamed 100 years ago, drinking tasty beer at every meal. We then departed from our extended family members, and headed our way down to the Swiss Alps. We toured through Switzerland for almost 2 weeks. Getting around in Switzerland was thick savory pie. Trains ran often, and where the epitome of comfort. I love trains. Jasper will soon.

There’s nothing quite as awe inspiring as the Swiss alps. And who doesn’t love a gondola ride? Nobody.

Why go to France, when you can go to the french part of switzerland and be equally as confused? Same with Italy. People were stylish and beautiful, but I wouldn’t call them friendly.

Mostly I’ll the let the pictures do the talking. It was quite a experience. Good times were had.

We connect with my old co-worker Joerg while we were in Zurich. That was fun.

We are deeply indepted to Lolo and Lola for taking such awesome care of our son.

Thanks for cleaning the shit out of our house as well.

We were apprehensive about how Jasper would react to our return. To our delight he was crazy happy to see us, and laughed for an hour. We missed him terribly. Arriving home to him was a terrific reward for staying up for 20 hours straight.



There can be only ONE!

Little JBalls is no longer 0 years old. This has been, by far, the longest 365+ days of my life. His too, by definition. The transformation from oppressive larvae to little boy has been astonishing. I now belong to the not-so-exclusive club of people who have experienced the magic of watching a child become aware of the world around them. The dues are pretty steep, but membership has its privileges.

I’ve learned I could operate on much less sleep then I imagined I could. I now see both danger and wonder in every new environment. Silly noises consistently punctuate most of my actions. I’ve never done so much dancing in my living room before. My life is basically not recognizable to my pre-child self. It’s not like I can’t remember what my life was like with out him, but I can’t imagine my life without him. The thought of leaving him for two weeks (which I will do this summer) makes me feel sad and empty, so I plan on filling that void with delicious alcohol.

Little JBalls now points incessantly. He’s able to comprehend a little bit of what I’m saying. His first word is “dog”, and we hunt them with ease on our street. He will select a favorite book from his box, I will sit down cross legged, he’ll crawl into my lap, and we’ll read it 4 times in a row. He’s very generous with hugs, especially if he hasn’t seen me in 30 minutes. He loves to spin. When he wants to go out side, he fetches his shoes, and sometimes ours as well.

I reached an unrealized parenting milestone when I was talking on the phone and a squealing naked baby came zooming past me.

He also had his first ear infection. This was the first time I heard his serious pain cry. My concern for him was overwhelming. It broke my heart, and I wanted to do everything in my power to make him feel better. After several poor nights of sleep, he woke us at 5:30am, and my very first thought was “thank goodness he let us sleep in an extra half hour”. Thats a thought my old self couldn’t comprehend.

His first birthday party was held at a local park. In typical Krudden fashion, it lasted for 6.5 hours. On his actual birthday, we spent the day trying to make him as happy as possible, and I believe we succeeded. It was a wonderful weekend.

In the last 30 days, we’ve had visitors for 21 of them. Stina’s parents came for almost two weeks, and celebrated Jasper’s birthday with us. It was a great visit, Stina and I caught up on some sleep, and the house now has a built in spice rack. We got out to see Trey Anastasio at the fox with Rachel. We even had a funtastic night out sans JBalls in Sausilto. I took the ferry out from San Fran after work for gorgeous view of the fog rolling over the GG bridge, met up with Stiners, and begin raging when my feet were on solid ground. We were asleep in our hotel by 9pm.
Tom came in for quick visit from Seattle. Gail and Dan flew in from Maui for a education conference, and they stayed for a few days at our place. I got an opportunity to talk with Gail about Graham’s passing, and that re-opened some pretty intense feelings of loss. There was a 45 minute window when Gail and Dan left and my sis-in-law appeared from Boston. Then Dr. Doug  joined us the next day. I do love me some visitors. JBalls takes a while to warm up to all these strange people.

And Haber learned to point too!

I’ve put in some hours in my studio on some general fuzz tunes as well. I had my first recording session with a professional classically trained vocalist, Phoebe Alexander. That was a pretty fascinating experience. She notated the music I send her to listen to, and proceeded to hit some wicked high notes. Color me impressed.


Intense Beginnings

  • Shortly into the new year we learned that a friend from college, Graham, died. It came out of nowhere, and I was completely unable to process it. This a friend we’ve known for 14 years. He lives on the east coast. We see him once or twice a year. He was literally one of the two smartest people I’ve ever known – like genius level. He was also warm, laid back, and quick to smile.  He really made an effort in our friendship. I can’t believe he’s gone. Since we don’t see him on a day to day basis, it has been especially hard to process. We had just seen him four months ago, and were talking about the next stages of his life.  I’m all too aware that I have a difficult time processing and expressing emotions, but this was so far off the charts that I couldn’t even compute what was going on. The universe is far worse off without Graham in it. Eventually, I shifted from obsessing about Grahams life, to the abruptness of death, which brought on a host of new issues to struggle with. I was unable to sleep for more then 5 hours a night for more then two weeks.
  • A few weeks into January we made a whirlwind trip down to LA to visit Dave and Keri before they pop out a little dudette. Jasper + their cats = endless entertainment. I dictated that we make an Oinkster and Dave’s Chillin and Grillin stop. When went to Dave’s C+G, in a moment of adventureness/instanity, I ordered the daily special instead of getting my beloved turkey sandwich. Stina, in an act of love that transends all boundaries, offered to trade sandwiches after she saw the overwhelming sadness / envy on my face. I’m still reeling from this. So much so that it’s dominated my bullet point about the LA trip.

  • My parents came out for an extended visit. By extended, I mean, they couldn’t go home since the eastern part of the country was buried underneath seven hundred feet of snow. It started out well, but slowly devolved into a full on stressy nutbag, bit by bit. Our plans and life did not align properly, and I think everyone was relieved when they got back home.
  • A last minute bonus idea was  to take my mom to a show at Yoshis Oakland – Mediski on keyboard, the guitar player from Living Color, the bass player from Cream, and Sanata’s wife on drums. The first tune was 10 minute free jazz improv, and 5 minutes in I was regretting taking my Mom to such an atontal avante garde show. Fortunately the rest of the show was more structured.  Santana joined in for the encore. Top notch show. I think my Mom enjoyed it. Real good times were also had at Yoshi’s SF with George Clinton + P Funk. There were at least 25 people on stage at once – 5 guitar players. I was so close I got to fist bump Mr. Clinton. Haven’t washed my hand since. Got to have that funk! Unh!
  • After the aforementioned not sleeping and stressful parental visit, I got really sick. I rarely get sick like this, and my body demanded that I sleep like 10 hours a day for a while. I’m still in the recovering stages.

  • I had two excellent recording sessions. Its always a privilege to have Audio Angel in the studio. There were several spine tingling moments during that session. I later discovered that my primary goal of that session did did not turn out the way I had hoped – and have been shocked by my total acceptance of it. I figured out my mistakes and began plotting a new course of action to remedy the situation. Overall, music has been flowing particularly well in the past few weeks which is helping prop up the rest of my life.

  • I attended an awesome workshop with Rena Jones and Asher Fulero (two musicians I’m a huge fan of), where I was reminded that I’m a total amateur at music production. This isn’t terribly upsetting. I’m simply aware theres a lot to learn, and know why my productions don’t sparkle likes theirs do. Good thing I have confidence in my music and, more importantly, a day job.

  • Jasper is a walking machine. He now climbs down our front stairs, walks four houses down, then climbs up our neighbors stairs in search of their cat. Needless to say, we’re meeting more of our neighbors, and freaking out the animals in our path. He says “da” every time we see a dog. He’s constantly bringing us books to read to him. And, if you weren’t in the know, sticks are where its at. Along with yelling.  Nothing beats a stick and yelling sandwich. J-balls has fully transformed from baby to very little boy with insane amounts of energy. It doesn’t look like thats gonna taper any time soon, so, whoohoo.

  • It’s been an intense beginning to 2011, to say the least. Our lives are radically transforming, and we’re trying to grasp how to roll with the changes. We are overwhelmed by whats going on with our families, jobs, friends, social lives, and son. Every once in a while, we stop trying to wrap our heads around it all, and remind each other how lucky we are. That’s usually when I start pining for sex.


The Baby Bomb

We’ve had a really fabulous run of awesomeness for the past decade or so. We’ve been super blessed in so many ways. In the last few years though, it sometimes felt like we were going through the motions. After eating so much cake, it became less exciting to partake in life’s chocolaty goodness. Time oozed on and often slipped away.

Time sure got a kick in the pants once the happy circle on the pee stick entered out lives. Since then we sourced a house, moved in, acquired a plethora of baby accessories, threw several parties (housewarming, superbowl, an epic baby shower), formed a small army of doctors, experienced many different styles of yoga, and connected with tons of people. We’ve had visitors stay in our fancy new guest room, built a ton of IKEA furniture, and made the house our home. I got to watch Stina experience life differently every day. The previous pattern of life was obliterated. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve crammed in too many concerts (highlights were Big Organ Trio and Leftover Salmon), toiled down on some serious general fuzz tunage, and started to really venture out in the the east bay (buying relatively high end baby gear on craigslist results in visiting the many suburbs of the east bay). I’ve managed to really savor almost every day for the past 9-10 months. Life has that sparkle again.

We’ve been approaching this whole baby thing fairly non-traditionally, which is true to form. People knew we were pregnant a few days after we did. Fortunately the baby stuck, but we wanted our community to rally around us if it didn’t. Our large scale co-ed baby shower was really a party that was baby shower themed. I’d like to think that our shower takes the prize for amount of alcohol consumed. Our community is having a huge hand in helping us name the baby. I’m really happy when we buck the trend.

On the other hand, OMG WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY!!! This is no longer an abstract concept. We’re in the end game now. We just learned that the baby is currently in breech position (feet first). We’re going to attempt an external version (where her doctor attempts to push the baby around) on Tuesday. If that doesn’t work, we’re having a c-section in nine days. Single digits, people.

When we talk about the future with our son, I have no concept what it will be like. Its no fun thinking about letting go of all activities that bring me joy. On the other hand, the concept of not doing these things can only be referenced in a life where everything is exactly the same except I’m not writing music, being social, seeing shows, and being goofy with Stiners. Well that last one will be omni present in our lives, but it will be a more, “I’m so tired, I’m going to vomit” kinda goofing around. I can’t conceptualize what life will be with child. I know there’s going to be a lot of love, challenges, and personal growth, but its all really abstract right now. People say everything will change once you see/hold your baby. I’m curious if thats true. I won’t consider it a failure if its doesn’t happen. I’m wagering the whole process will be a rewarding experience, one way or another. It would be astonishing if everyone was lying. I guess that would be worth finding out too. Then I could expose the great parent conspiracy on this blog.



The other side of the bridge

Transitioning to our new pad has been intense, to say the least. The move, which was life consuming when it happened, seems like a distant memory. The day after we moved into to our new home, we had surprise visitors all day long. It was the most wonderful thing that could have happened. It hadn’t dawned upon me that the majority of our friends live in the East Bay until then.

Our new house doesn’t feel like home yet, but we’re getting there. Its a nice house in a fabulous neighborhood, right where Rockridge, Berkeley and Temescal intersect. My current street is sorta like living in Newton West, except for omnipresent Oakland vibe. I saw a dude take a piss on the street from the curb of the sidewalk one block away. It’s a very odd mashup of a suburb and a urban environment. The culture diversification is really different the SF. My favorite thing is that I can bike everywhere I need to go. I bike to the BART, the grocery store (of which there are four of), and the four or five yoga studios. I ride a bike pretty much everyday, and that brings me great joy. There’s endless stuff to discover. Unfortunately, there are very few parks. This irks me greatly, especially since I spent most of the decade living 50 feet from Golden Gate Park.

At this point the house is pretty setup. The only thing left in boxes is our art. We acquired a guest bed, and Stiners parents came out for five days over Christmas. This was a brilliant idea. We put them to work, and made huge leaps forward in setting up the house. Micheal, Stiner’s dad, is an architect, and proved to be rather handy with tools and a ladder. Ikea gladly accepted a lot our money. We haven’t setup the baby’s room yet, but that’s the last major hurdle left. My office is in a separate cottage which proves to awesome for a studio, but makes me feel really isolated when I’m there for long stretches of time.

I’m currently rich with yoga classes, since I signed up for new student specials at 4 studios. Its been crazy being exposed to totally different styles of Yoga. I tend to reject them all at first since they are unfamiliar. I’m starting to figure out that I prefer Hatha yoga to Vinyasa. I don’t dig the flow classes – yet. I learned the important lesson that if there’s a lot of really fit women in a class, I should turn around and walk out.  Normally I’ll start checking the clock around 45 minutes into an hour and half yoga class. That’s when I’m starting fatigue and wondering how much more I have to endure.  In the class with all the fit women, I looked for the first time 20 minutes in. I knew I was in big trouble.

My favorite new place is the whole word is the Starry Plough. They have awesome live music every weekend. The day we moved, I went there to catch a Dead cover band, because I could. It was pretty fun. I’ve never in my life seen an audience dance so ecstatically at a Dead themed concert. In fact I’ve just returned from seeing Further in SF and the audience was not even closed too as jazzed as the folks in the Starry. I’ve now been there 4 or 5 times. I last was there to see Albino with Angel, which was crazy fun. There are several amazing beer bars in the nearby, as well as a few breweries.

Our time has been jam packed with setting up the house and holiday parties. I’ve been hell bent on seeing as many concerts as possible. I’ve spent all my other free time focused on composing music, which has been coming along nicely. I would totally have a new album out in time for Burning Man this year, especially if we weren’t having a baby. Except I’m not going to Burning Man, and alledgely we are having a wee one. I’m attempting to be ok with that. As Stina wisely said – I have the rest of my life to be a musician.

The pregnancy is coming along nicely. No major hurdles yet. We’re entering the home stretch.

I’ve been spending lots more time in close proximity of our friends children. Its gotten me pretty excited about being a father. It’s also gotten me terrified about being a father. That seems about right.



The Golden Child

Yom Kippur has come and gone once again. During my day of intense reflection I became overwhelmed with the sheer number of ridiculous celebratory activities that occupied our waking moments. So much happened in the last year that its slightly hard to comprehend. 6 weddings (half of which I had an active role in), 3 bachelor parties (which I had a big part in organizing), 3 trips to Boston, work kicking my ass all over the place, Phish tour, Burning Man, Belize, relationship changes, tons of friends and family visiting, far too many concerts, that whole economy collapsing thingy, and the occasional emotional breakdown. Life hasn’t been boring. I was really focused on the concept of time, which seems to march forward relentlessly, regardless of what we do.

After living a roughly linear life for the past 4 or so years, we suddenly banged a sharp left into pregnantville. And even though this year was crazy intense, I’m incapable to fathom the insanity that’s about to transpire in the next year.  I’ve embraced the concept of moving into a new place, but the rental market isn’t really hugging me back. The longer this one way hug goes on, the more awkward I’m feeling. My goal is to transcend awkwardness until it feels like an active form of dominance. Then I’ll have the confidence to transition this hug into getting all the way to second base. Booyeah! They don’t call me slick for nothing.


Nobody calls be slick.

I seem to be caught in concentric circles of music. I saw Galactic at the Fillmore last weekend, and I’ll see them again at hardly strictly bluegrass tomorrow. I started this week at Dead Night @ Milk, and then Angel and I saw Dark Star Orchestra last night.  If music is playing, and I’m slightly interested – I’m so there. I’m on a serious concert jag right now. Gotta get out while I still can.

We went back into the hospital so we could do some baby related radar. They sure have some fancy dan devices at the hospital now days.

Stina is incubating quite nicely, which is pretty much all thats important these days.



Bottom of the Yankee

Summer goodness rolls on unabated. One night I got to live one my fantasies by seeing bands at both the Connecticut Yankee (A New Monsoon benifit show with extra bonus Lebo) and a block down the road at the Bottom of the Hill (the New Up kicking off their big national tour). It was the hippies vs. the hipsters, and I had great fun bouncing between the diametrically opposite crowds.

On Friday, we went down to Outside Lands to listen to a few bands from outside the perimeter, but then ran into our friend Aaron who hooked us up with ridiculously cheap day passes. Totally bonus Thievery Corp and Pearl Jam. It felt good to roll though one more time while we still live within spitting distance to the festival. We streamed the rest of the festy from the safety of our living room. Thanks youtube.

Stina and Angel just rocked the joint birthday party at chez Krudden. We’re old, and love the afternoon party. People rolled through all day, and now we’re basking in the glow of feeling really connected to our friends. It was a really excellent day, and there’s still three jello shots left.

Life’s been feeling extra poignant lately, what with the impending baby and all. While I’ve been diving head first into a true concert and general fuzz bender, the nagging suspicion that everything’s going to radically change lurks right beneath the surface. My role at work has been shifting for a while, to the point where its almost like I have a new job. So a “new” job, a probable move to a bigger space on the horizen, and then a baby. Hmmm. I’m not so good with change. Tough titties, I guess. Its gonna happen, and in a big, big way. The best thing I can do is have a positive attitude, so lately I’m attempting to rock a “BRING IT ON” front. I’m not really fooling myself though – underneath it all, I’m scared shitless.

Anyhow, tomorrow I boldly head back into the desert to lose my mind.  One last time.